DAY 17: IF I WERE AN ANIMAL/INSECT, I'D BE A...

As I’m writing this, it’s raining cats and dogs in Cape Town, but in all honesty, I’d rather it just rained cats.

As a cat, I’d never be asked why I looked upset as often as I am as a human being. While fellow introverts will know that it’s merely a case of ‘resting bitch face’ (all introverts have some degree of resting bitch face, whereby we look bitchy and unfriendly when all we’re doing is taking in our surroundings calmly), most people don't get it. Because cats are perceived as moody, there would be no need to explain this apparent air of disapproval.

As a cat, I’d confidently be able to add ‘mysterious’ to my online dating profile. We all notice the mysterious guy in a social setting – he’s the only one who manages to find a darkened corner in a spherically-shaped room. Mystery is intriguing, because unlike dogs or loud people, you don’t blurt out everything within the first five minutes of being introduced. In the social media era, mystery is a quality noticeable by its absence and my cat-ness will effectively balance this out. (sidenote: Katniss sounds like ‘cat’. Katniss is a cool, mysterious fictional character in the Hunger Games)

As a cat, I’d be able to fulfil one of my lifelong dreams: the anywhere, anytime nap. I wouldn’t need to explain myself, find a blanket, locate a mattress or excuse myself from a fun but energy-depleting event. I’d just let Mother Nature take over because really, when the eyes begin to close, who are we to say no?

Devoid of the emotions we’re saddled with as humans, I believe life as a cat would be far simpler, with challenges to overcome reduced to that rare visit to the vet or the mid-nap move to the other side of the couch, in order to keep up with the moving rays of sunlight.

I’d never need to sit down for hours in a brainstorm to conceptualize a ‘campaign that should go viral’. By virtue of being a cat, I am assured a verified Twitter account and a burgeoning YouTube channel. And all I’d have to do is like, you know... sit there.

Oh, and Whiskers*

 *the stuff in the perfectly packaged purple packets - not the long, projecting hairs