I have this annoying thing where I can recall about 70% of a
fantastic quote, but never 100% of it, and never with the name of the
individual whose wise words have inspired me. So, here’s another piece of a
quote that was said – or perhaps even written – by someone great:
“14 years old: mom, you know nothing! I can’t deal with you…
…25 years old: mom, how do you know everything?”
Simple, but true. We really only see the true value of our parents
in our lives as we grow older. Someone else (naturally, I have no idea who)
said that “youth is wasted on the youth”, and how true is THAT? Imagine we had
the carefree spirit, healthy bodies and innocence of youth and the wisdom and sense of calm that comes with another decade
under the belt? We’d be super humans. And more than that, our parents wouldn’t
have to wait around for countless years for us to ‘get it’. While I am still
‘getting it’ when it comes to life as an adult (presently, my self-diagnosis
says I’m in the final stages of denial), these are a few incredible life
lessons my parents have taught me:
FOLLOW YOUR OWN PATH (AND DEAL WITH YOUR OWN CONSEQUENCES)
My siblings and I (there are four of us), were never forced to
choose a certain group of friends, come home at an exact time, play a certain
sport or follow one of three pre-arranged career paths. We were largely left to
our own devices, and often, we had to pay the price for making misguided
choices.
The freedom to do what I wanted to (but also the knowledge that my
choices were my responsibilities) has always been empowering and remains so to
this day.
DON’T SPLURGE
My mom has always been extremely thrifty, and my dad a bit less so,
but they’ve both managed to take care of all of us without the need for excess.
As a family, we generally stay away from credit cards, Louis Vuitton-type
brands and jet-setting at every opportunity. It’s not that we never spoil
ourselves, or that we can’t buy a brand new car every 24 months, but rather, it’s
about not living life on the edge when you really don’t need to – the rewards
will come when the time is right.
TAKE CARE OF THINGS
I’ve never lost a cell phone. I’ve never crashed my car. I’ve never
smoked. I’ve never not put up the sun
deflector across my dashboard on a hot day. I’ve never had a bicycle or a TV
game set that didn’t last forever.
It all sounds a bit nerdy and antagonizing when listed like that,
but these ‘nevers’ are not unconscious events. It’s a conscious, ingrained
desire to take care of my possessions and also myself, and I believe my parents
have passed this on to me. From the way my dad has cared for all the vehicles
he has owned, to every single thing in my mom’s kitchen, to their combined
desire to make sure our gardens were always neat and presentable, I’ve been
inspired to also take care of myself and the possessions in my life. And right
now, looking back, why wouldn’t I want to continue doing just that?
WIN BATTLES WITH LOGIC, NOT AGGRESSION
This is not something my parents have ever said to me directly, but
again, it’s something I’ve certainly learnt from them. I grew up in a
‘non-swearing’ house – it’s not as if they had a sit-down with us when we were
pre-schoolers and explained that ‘now my boy, in this house, we do not swear’.
We simply grew up without the need to swear at each other, at our
friends or even at shoddy customer service representatives. My dad has always
been the picture of calm, but when wronged, he relies on logic and facts to win
his argument. I’ve never been in a fight – and no, that’s not just because I’ve
always been tiny – rather, I’ve almost never been unable to talk my way out of
a precarious situation. If I can’t talk my way out of it, I’ll leave. I’m able
to recognise when my own safety is more important than the pride I might have
lost in walking away. I didn’t learn how to fight my battles in this way by
myself – I learnt it from my parents.
So, thank you Noel and Delia Furlong for leaving me with these – and
many more - irreplaceable life lessons. I’ll always carry them with me.
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