Day 11: 1 Food, 1 Drink, For The Rest Of My Life

Let’s hypothesize, for a moment, that I could survive on just one type of food and drink for the rest of my life without fatal health consequences. I suppose water would keep me alive in terms of adequate hydration, but just one type of food to fulfil all my nutritional needs? I doubt such a food exists, but perhaps some brave dietician or vegan out there may want to correct me.

So, based purely on how long I can keep the activation of my gag reflex at bay, I have to go with the pairing of Woolies Cherry Juice and Biltong, because:

None of my other favourite foods would do. As much as I like a good steak fillet, I usually don’t want one for a few days after my last. Butter chicken is fantastic, but more than three consecutive servings of it? And even though the sight of a good malva pudding is reason enough to throw a small party, it just doesn’t work without custard, which would mean illegally adding in another type of food. In terms of drinks, that much coffee or red wine would surely have me hallucinating and dead, respectively.

I’ve never gotten tired of eating biltong. I’ve never snacked on it and felt like it was time to stop. I’ve never not wanted a piece of biltong. I’ve never walked past a biltong store without peering longingly inside (and clutching onto my wallet a little bit more tightly while doing so).

There are many different types of biltong. Droëwors, spicy, moist, dry, snapsticks, sliced. I’d technically be able to eat something ‘different’ every day.

Biltong is convenient. I’d be able to carry my meals around with me easily, which is just as well, considering how many trips I’d be making to and from the hospital to have my intestines unclogged.

Woolies Cherry Juice is the perfect compliment to biltong. I find that the Woolies juices aren’t too thick, too artificial or too sweet. They’re hydrating and refreshing, which I’d no doubt need when consuming that much meat.

Even all of these ‘plus points’ considered, I imagine that being restricted to just one food and one drink would be a horrible experience. More than keeping us healthy and alive, it’s the variety in what we eat and drink that adds to our happiness, and as magnificent as biltong is, I’d very soon be fantasizing about fresh fruit, warm tea, Cadbury’s wholenut slabs and of course, my malva pudding and custard.

PS: So, no jokes, but this cup of tea I've been drinking as I wrote this started tasting gradually better. Isn't it amazing how the mind is so powerful that it can increase the strength of something as complex as our sense of taste, without any tangible stimulation?