DAY 17: IF I WERE AN ANIMAL/INSECT, I'D BE A...

As I’m writing this, it’s raining cats and dogs in Cape Town, but in all honesty, I’d rather it just rained cats.

As a cat, I’d never be asked why I looked upset as often as I am as a human being. While fellow introverts will know that it’s merely a case of ‘resting bitch face’ (all introverts have some degree of resting bitch face, whereby we look bitchy and unfriendly when all we’re doing is taking in our surroundings calmly), most people don't get it. Because cats are perceived as moody, there would be no need to explain this apparent air of disapproval.

As a cat, I’d confidently be able to add ‘mysterious’ to my online dating profile. We all notice the mysterious guy in a social setting – he’s the only one who manages to find a darkened corner in a spherically-shaped room. Mystery is intriguing, because unlike dogs or loud people, you don’t blurt out everything within the first five minutes of being introduced. In the social media era, mystery is a quality noticeable by its absence and my cat-ness will effectively balance this out. (sidenote: Katniss sounds like ‘cat’. Katniss is a cool, mysterious fictional character in the Hunger Games)

As a cat, I’d be able to fulfil one of my lifelong dreams: the anywhere, anytime nap. I wouldn’t need to explain myself, find a blanket, locate a mattress or excuse myself from a fun but energy-depleting event. I’d just let Mother Nature take over because really, when the eyes begin to close, who are we to say no?

Devoid of the emotions we’re saddled with as humans, I believe life as a cat would be far simpler, with challenges to overcome reduced to that rare visit to the vet or the mid-nap move to the other side of the couch, in order to keep up with the moving rays of sunlight.

I’d never need to sit down for hours in a brainstorm to conceptualize a ‘campaign that should go viral’. By virtue of being a cat, I am assured a verified Twitter account and a burgeoning YouTube channel. And all I’d have to do is like, you know... sit there.

Oh, and Whiskers*

 *the stuff in the perfectly packaged purple packets - not the long, projecting hairs

4 MAGICAL WAYS WE COMMUNICATE ON SOCIAL MEDIA

This year, Facebook and Twitter celebrated their 10^th and 8^th years of existence, respectively. This is long enough for a number of online analysts and publications to have released some really insightful research into the effects of social media and the way it has changed our lives.

Well, one definitive statement that can be made about social media that doesn’t require an exhaustive study is that we loooove to use it as a place to complain. About work. About people. About the latest news. And more than ever, about social media itself! Generally, we moan and groan endlessly about the content we’re exposed to in our newsfeeds (even though those newsfeeds are increasingly tailoured to cater for our unique tastes and preferences, but this algorithm remains an imperfect one).

All of this complaining, together with the awareness that social media is now woven into our societal fabric and no longer a novelty, makes it easy to forget the truly unreal aspects of the most popular social media platforms. So, here we go - four magical means of communicating that are surely taken for granted:

Selected group chats on Whatsapp

Currently, I am involved in three long-term group chat ‘relationships’. There’s a group for colleagues, a group for family and even a group for me to update selected friends on developments regarding my current crush…

These group chats are powerful and addictive, allowing you to carry specified social circles with you wherever you go, each with its own tone, selection of personal <ridiculous> jokes and shared group member knowledge about one another. This means conversations that are as personal and contextually relevant as they would be if the bunch of you were sharing cocktails at Primi. That is awesome.

But more than fun and games, these groups are also informative and efficient, allowing for the immediate sharing of information with any number of selected people.

When it comes to setting up a dinner party, there’s no easier way to go about it than with a Whatsapp Group Chat. And while you’re at it, get creative with those group chat titles – they only add to the fun.

Buzz events on Twitter

In general use, Twitter is pretty interesting. But like all social platforms, it gets a tad tiring after a few minutes if you’re not logging on for a specific purpose and are just mindlessly scrolling through, waiting for something to catch your eye.

However, logging on for a definite purpose, such as to follow the latest buzz story, morphs Twitter into an extremely exciting space to be in. The Oscar Trial and the tragic MH370 flight are obvious examples of stories that exploded on this platform – if you’re really interested in something, Twitter will blow your mind with a mass of articles, contrasting opinions, quips, graphics, jokes, press releases and videos on a single topic.

Yes, it’s up to you to filter out the trashy posts from the informed ones, but this kind of honed-in and concentrated focus on a single subject is riveting, and not really accessible anywhere else.

Nostalgic connections on Facebook

At the start of this piece, I mentioned that we love to moan and groan about social media, and nowhere is the moaning or groaning more evident (or more appallingly misspelt) than on Facebook. But there is still much to be said for the original social network that stays true to its promise of connecting people.

We’ve all received that one genuinely surprising (and pleasant) inbox or friend request from a long lost friend, an old school teacher or a family member who has spent the last ten years in Czechoslovakia. Basically, people we’ve actually connected with in the past and whom, because of life’s individually winding and potholed paths, we’ve lost touch with.

There are few things as warm and fuzzy as catching up with such a person, especially when you least expect it. 

Likewise, we’ve all had that random epiphany when a name, surname and face combination suddenly pops up in our heads. A quick search and we can re-establish lost connections ourselves.

Watching sport with the rest of the world

Possible on both Facebook and Twitter, but preferable via the latter, there is an unmatched sense of camaraderie when watching a live match on television whilst also sharing unhinged bursts of emotion online.  Often, when watching a big tennis match, I am as intrigued to watch the next point or game as I am to read the live commentary and analysis from the very best journalists out there.

Sometimes, their views are quite contrasting to mine and I find myself questioning my own thoughts about the players or circumstances involved in the match I’m watching. On the other side of the coin (or is that ‘court’?), one feels a real sense of validation when your own mental analysis of a match is precisely what that big-shot ESPN journo just tweeted.

I imagine fans of football, rugby and all other sports experience much the same online. It’s all hugely mentally stimulating, challenging and sometimes even infuriating, but definitely adds to the sport-viewing experience.

We live in very interesting times. 

Yes, social media has its understandably lamented downsides – it often takes the place of real, human connections and is, if we’re being honest with ourselves, a waste of bloody time. But when it works (and you’re in an area that is – hallelujah - blessed with 3G coverage), it’s all rather mind-blowing.

As human beings, we’re naturally inclined to whinge more than we are to praise; let’s face it, complaining about something makes for a far more colourful and emotionally charged post, with a wonderful list of expletives to choose from.

But every now and then – perhaps while we’re uploading that 586MB picture that we recklessly forgot to downsize – it’s worth our while to take stock of the magic that sits at our fingertips and to tweet our most gratuitous thanks for it.