DAT 16: THE WORLD IS WRONG ABOUT...

Writing something is often about much more than suddenly starting to put words onto a page. Ideally, you’d first think up a good topic, then plot a basic story in your head, then weave in a few wisecracks, craft a strong intro, edit out the rubbish grammar and finally, end off strongly and hopefully leave your reader with something.

I don’t have time for any of this today, because I woke up at 4h30am, attended an event in JHB and just got home. I’m fried.

All I have is a keyboard and a topic. So without any forward planning, here are a few things that the world is wrong about:

PEANUT BUTTER AND JAM / JELLY SANDWICHES

Peanut Butter has a bitter, peanut-y taste and a sticky texture. Jam is sweet, wet and has actual pieces of fruit in it. Why this ingredient combination on bread is revered, I don’t know. I’ve never been able to eat this monstrosity.

TAYLOR SWIFT

She’s sweet, I’ll give her that. But her talking voice probably makes more of her statement than her singing. Her songs are for young 9-14 year old girls who have had overprotective childhoods. Nothing pains me more than to see that Taylor Swift has broken another record.

SMOKING

It smells, it yellows your teeth, it causes cancer, it has been outlawed almost wherever there is an open space wider than a shoebox, it’s expensive and yet, you still choose to do it. Even worse, you choose to use it as your Instagram profile picture as an image of cool, dope rebelliousness. Just stop it!

MEN IN SIX METRE-LONG FORMAL SHOES, WITHOUT SOCKS, AND WITH ‘DRESSY’ SHORT SHORTS

I just can’t. It’s the height of pretentiousness. You can’t possibly be going to the beach AND a formal dinner within the space of two hours. If you are, bringing along a change of clothing is all it takes.

HOW IT TEACHES KIDS STUFF AT SCHOOL

Those 12 years do so little to emotionally prepare you for what is to come. Academically, you learn a lot. But it would be nice if 17 year olds were able to leave school with some kind of plan, instead of wasting years figuring out what could have been taught.

JACOB ZUMA

Just kidding. The world is generally right about this one.

That’s all I can muster for today. I promise to try harder tomorrow. Goodnight, everyone!