I remember a time in my life when
friendships were extremely hard work.
A failed friendship, or a breakdown in a
particular friendship, was a personal failure as well. I derided and blamed
myself badly when these breakdowns occurred, and often went to bed riddled with
guilt and regret. On the other hand, when things were going well, they were
going inexplicably well – happy
friendships and relationships seemed to be all I needed to get by.
Ten years later, the dynamic has shifted considerably. As teenagers
and even as very young adults, we’re such incomplete souls – we don’t really
have a clue of what we want, so by default we go with the flow and follow the haphazard,
hit-or-miss paths of our friends. We engage in activities we think we should,
go to places we’re convinced we have to and even have entire conversations that
we feel compelled to indulge in… until that beautiful, cathartic day when we
begin doing and saying what we truly want to and what we truly believe in.
Sometimes, it’s a shift that takes you quite by surprise. Sometimes,
it comes gradually. But there is a definite transformation that takes place
where you’re no longer defined by the needs and wants of your friends, but by
your own needs and wants (now that you can actually see them with clarity).
This transformation, universally known as growing up, will see you
drifting away from friendships that previously seemed indestructible. It’s not
to say that those you drift from have not grown up, but rather, you’ve both
grown apart.
At the same time, you’ll find yourself attracting and being drawn to
very different types of people, types that you probably would have disregarded
because they didn’t fit your mould.
To go back to my point right at the start… friendships used to be
hard work because I didn’t know who I was and what I wanted. I was working
overtime at connections that fundamentally clashed with who I was. I wouldn’t
go so far as to say that I have all the answers now either, but I have a
heightened sense of intuition that I trust. It lets me know when I’m happy and
when I’m not. It lets me know when I’m being appreciated, listened to,
comforted and invested in – and of course, when I willingly invest as well.
The end result of growing up and finding yourself is that you’re
usually left with a treasured group of friends that truly listen when you speak
(to me, it’s a priceless gift to have someone listen, and not just hear you). You’re comfortable enough to
bicker with these friends with the knowledge that you still love one another
when voices are no longer raised. You’re comfortable and secure enough to know
that just because you haven’t seen one another for a little while, the
connection is still as it should be.
Friendships do require
work, effort and commitment. But hard,
grinding, constant exertion? Nope. Insincerity? Scepticism? Definitely not.
Hallelujah to growing older, knowing what it is that you want and
finding some incredible friends to share it all with.
No comments:
Post a Comment