THE ‘I’M SOOOO STRESSED’ SYNDROME

The more things change, the more they… change.

The price of petrol today has little in common with the price of petrol when I was a student, except for the end result being the same – my car keeps moving. The amount of lovely, liquid chocolate filling the Twice As Nice ‘sucker’ I enjoyed as a kid steadily decreased through the years, to the point where said sucker became merely ‘nice’. And the search for that epic song that I JUUUUST couldn’t get to the name of has become, well, barely a search. All I really need to remember are two words in the lyric and – perhaps - the first letter of the artist’s name and just like that, I’ll be able to instantly identify and download the thing online.

Those are all some fairly non-destructive changes I've experienced in my lifetime.

But the subject of this little write-up and the specific change I want to speak of is the compulsion we modern, trendy young professionals have to constantly communicate to others that we are busy. Stressed out of our minds. Inundated. Burning the midnight oil. I could go on, so familiar am I with these expressions…

Are we really that busy, however? Or has the idea of being busy and stretched to the limit come to be associated with success, virtually forcing within and upon us a culture of chaotic pretence? I think it has.

Nobody really seems that interested in your small talk if all they’re going to hear about is how your sister’s son is doing at school, which beach you went to as soon as the Cape sun made an extraordinary appearance or even how the renovations on your apartment are going. These all come across as a pathetic little starter salad, complete with a browning piece of lettuce. Nobody wants it. What they do want is the main course. That juicy piece of sirloin you’re inevitably leading up to – it’s far weightier, drama-filled and also likely to leave you exhausted and almost unable to walk. Much the same as work stress, unread emails and overflowing schedules.

Of late, I’ve been curtailing my default responses to the ‘how are you?’ question. My mission is for these responses to not always be saddled with words such as busy, exhausted or pitted (as affectionately used by a few friends). Too often, I’ve been witness to these descriptions escaping my mouth when, actually, I’ve been quite okay. Things have been going well. I am in control and in fact not in pursuit of the nearest cliff face or shot of Tequila.

But very often, I’ve found the ‘I’m good, I’m okay’ space to be an uncomfortable one, for myself and for others. Surely if we’re okay and fairly well-rested, we’re not doing enough? And then, the paranoia kicks in. The moment I find myself feeling fine, I question why I am not using the time to get ahead – to hustle.  To gain an edge over my competitors, my colleagues and even the person I was a few months ago.

Where does this leave us? Well, I think we need to re-evaluate the stress in our lives and pinpoint how much of it is real, and how much is a mere fabrication. Beyond that, we need to go back to basics and become less reliant on stress as a means of defining who we are. We need to revisit the true meaning of stress.

It’s actually NOT a positive emotion. The dictionary defines stress as ‘a state of emotional or mental strain’ so by us constantly and boldly blurting out how stressed we are, we’re in fact admitting to whoever is listening that there is some sort of imbalance in our professional or personal lives – or both. Sure, a little bit of stress and anxiety helps to keep us on our toes, but these are sentiments that most certainly do not deserve to be wielded about like a trophy of competence.

Rather, we should be soaking up the periods of control, peace and self-assurance we all reach (or are at right now, without even knowing it!). Wouldn’t you rather complete seven tasks at 100% of your capacity than 17 in a frenzied state? Wouldn’t THAT engender a greater sense of satisfaction? Chances are, you’ll slip up less of the time and will actually have the capacity to look back on what you have achieved.

Too often, we value people based upon how thinly they can spread themselves between multiple tasks, rather than how much flavour and magic they can add to a single function. We’re missing out on the details because we’re chasing all that is mad, chaotic and consuming.

If I can leave you with one little morsel to chew on, it would be to resist the urge to forge a mind and a body that is stressed and approaching its limits. Think, really think, about how you are before telling someone else. Keep it simple. Be calm.

And always leave some room for dessert.

C.I.A (Children In Action) Inspires

A few weeks ago, while scrolling through the thousands of emails that Hectic Nine-9 receives, I responded to a guy named Robin, who requested that HN9 get involved in his organization called C.I.A (Children In Action).

Over school holiday periods, this non-profit group travels into different communities, gathers together the children (all kids who are willing) from those communities and then teaches them a variety of skills such as dancing and singing, eventually leading up to a concert attended by the community.

Ultimately, the aim is to get otherwise bored and wandering kids off the streets and involved in something fun that, according to C.I.A’s mission statement, “allow these kids to be the best version of themselves.”

I liked the honesty of Robin’s email to HN9 and agreed to attend their June holiday club yesterday afternoon for some coverage on our social media platforms. This particular holiday club was held in Beacon Valley, in Mitchell’s Plain.

The humble venue was the Emmanuel Apostolic Church in the area, and driving in from the more affluent suburbs that I frequent, I will admit to once again being struck by the very different conditions that our fellow Capetonians call home. But these apprehensions were soon banished once I pulled up and saw the kids – literally in action.

There were singing, dancing and modelling groups, each with a team leader dedicated to that particular group. If there was a kid crying, throwing a tantrum or not looking overjoyed to be there, I didn’t see him (or her).

It was really strange to suddenly have the 7-year old car that I feel is ‘old’ and my pleather jacket both feel like ‘excess’ in this environment, but those were the thoughts running through my head when I first arrived.

I spent the next hour chatting to Robin and Maxine, two leaders of the C.I.A organization, while taking videos and pictures of kids who were putting more heart into their rehearsals than many of us do on lazy Friday afternoons at work. These rehearsals were for the concert – attended by community members and anyone else who is keen to attend – being held tonight.

I also met Caroline, affectionately known as ‘Mama’, in the church’s kitchen, who chatted to me briefly about her passion for caring for these kids by preparing them lunches on the days that the holiday clubs are held. 

The younger singing group were the loudest of the 160 kids 

at the rehearsal day

I suppose I need to get to my point, don’t I? Well, I don’t believe we should brush off moments in life that humble or touch us, so I am sharing mine right here. In this place, on this day, all I saw were happy kids and the giving adults who brought them there for no other reason than because they felt it’s what these kids deserved!

Robin and Maxine, explaining what C.I.A is all about

No matter who we are, where we live or how much kindness we believe resides in our hearts, nothing hits home like visiting the homes of communities on the outskirts of the city, who live vastly different lives than our own. And further to that, spreading the word is not enough either – I was so inspired by Robin, Maxine and the founder of C.I.A (Pastor Michael Feder), that I feel quite upset with myself for not doing more to help others, especially considering that doing good to help others has repeatedly been listed as a sure-fire means of attaining greater inner happiness, and that’s something most of us could use more of.

By writing this little post, I hope that I’ve put some urgency within myself to do something very soon – and not just because I must, or because it is Mandela Day in a few weeks, but because I want to.

The Children In Action mini concert takes place tonight, at 6h30pm, at the Emmanuel Apostolic Church in Beacon Valley, Mitchell’s Plain – entry is free and everyone is welcome.

The C.I.A relies on donations to continue growing and doing the great work they do. To donate anything (non-perishable foods, Christmas toys for the kids for the December holiday club or anything else), contact Robin on 060 334 2627 or email him at robin.vanderbyl@gmail.com)

Studio 7 and Jimmy Nevis: a match made in musical heaven

I feel as if I have been living under a rock, on mars, whilst blindfolded and gagged… that’s how disappointed I am that until this week, I didn’t know about the Studio 7 concert venue in Seapoint. At least, ‘concert venue’ is what appears at the top of the Studio 7 Facebook page as the one-liner description.

But as an avid concert-hater, I have to say that this place couldn’t be further removed from my definition of a concert. Concerts are loud, overcrowded, incredibly expensive, uncomfortable and the audio quality is mostly as appealing as a pig snorting.

Studio 7 is the antithesis of all of that. The venue really is “intimate and exclusive”, as promised. At the Jimmy Nevis unplugged performance I attended last night, only 49 other people shared the experience with me, and it is this exclusivity that makes it really special.

Back to the very definition of unplugged music, a music reviewer by the name of Craig Conley summed it up perfectly: “When music is labelled acoustic, unplugged, or unwired, the assumption seems to be that other types of music are cluttered by technology and overproduction and therefore aren’t as pure.”

And without the distraction of screaming fans, instruments that drown out the singer’s voice, unpredictable weather that also negatively affects the voice of any singer or ostentatious dancers / set design, Studio 7 makes it easy for the artist to just “be”, and for you to literally just sit back and enjoy.

At Jimmy’s session last night, the audio quality was absolutely crystal clear, allowing everyone to really take in how powerful his vocals are. I don’t think the guy missed a single note, despite throwing in a few covers and doing a few very creative takes on the tracks from his album, Subliminal. Three back-up singers, a guitar-player and Jimmy occasionally making use of the keyboard and a big, blue tambourine, were the only ‘extras’ required to bring his music to life.

Going back to the setting, Studio 7 is actually a house (a nice one, it must be said), with large, puffy couches and a few quaint wooden benches rearranged closely around the performance area. For those who arrive a bit later and have perhaps struggled to manoeuvre their vehicles into the constricted Seapoint streets that surround the venue, a few scatter cushions on the floor is where they will sit – but it is exactly this impression of chilling in your own living room that makes you feel so relaxed. The mood lighting is spot-on, and while there wasn’t an indoor fireplace crackling away in the corner of the room, it genuinely felt as if there could have been...

The few speakers that are necessary in such a small space are also thoughtfully arranged. You won’t miss a single detail in the reproduction of the audio, and you also won’t go home with your ears zinging uncontrollably. 

Thank you, Studio 7 and Jimmy Nevis for an unforgettable evening. I will definitely be back to experience real music in the kind of setting and space it deserves.

Some useful links:

Studio 7 on Twitter: @Studio7_SA

Studio 7 Website

Studio 7 Facebook page

Jimmy Nevis on Twitter: @JimmyNevis

Jimmy Nevis Facebook page

Are we work-obsessed?

“Great minds talk about ideas. Small minds talk about people.”

I don’t know who said it or where the above quote originated from, but it has certainly been doing the rounds on Twitter feeds everywhere.

And I must say, I beg to differ. When did we become a society so obsessed with big ideas, big deals and big clients that we regard these topics of conversation as more interesting than our fellow human beings?

Every piece of communication I see is crammed full of business-speak, with people either advertising their work or commending another on his or her achievements. In fact, these conversations dominate dinners out with friends and social gatherings with complete strangers alike. If you haven’t achieved something worth an aggressively-written tweet or status update in the last month, you’re probably not going to be very interesting to the next person.

Of course, a career-driven society has become quite necessary, spurring on the conversations I just mentioned – we need to be multi-skilled, ambitious, outspoken and bursting with ideas to make it anywhere. This is fantastic for the more outgoing personalities out there, but a nightmare for those (yes, like me), who value days and long periods of time spent “switched-off”.

Switched-off doesn’t mean lazy; it means placing importance upon reflecting on life, spending time with friends and family and engaging in quiet activities or hobbies that stimulate the mind in ways that work never could.

A few minutes online and I honestly sometimes feel as though I can’t keep up. I seriously question whether I am a complete nobody, or a total layabout, for not constantly seeking out ways to do more. So many people are doing an absurd amount of things, or working several jobs, and are constantly busy. I absolutely admire these people for their energy, drive, tenacity and ability to blur the line between business and pleasure, but that’s not me.

The unfortunate consequence of this busy individual is that this person is perceived as more successful, attractive and appealing than those of us who shy away from the limelight and the constant activity - or ‘hustle’ - as they like to call it. Many of us most certainly have goals and are achieving them, but place equal emphasis on the less glamorous aspects of our lives – for us, admitting that we’re spending a typical Sunday doing absolutely nothing besides buying an ice-cream and going for a short drive is not an admission of time wasted.

Going back to the quote that set me off on this mild outburst, wouldn’t it be great to see and hear more conversations about PEOPLE? Where has the emotion in our lives gone? It all seems to be an endless and highly calculated process of ticking off the right boxes, and then sharing those ticked boxes with the world, and then being patted on the back for it… repeatedly.

Let’s work hard, and fulfil our dreams, but not get so engrossed in it all that we lose sight of the people in our lives and the parts of them we appreciate outside of their careers or skillset. When we think of our very best friends, or those that have made a real impression upon us, it’s more often than not those little nuances about them that we remember first – their ability to crack jokes at the drop of a hat, their OCD tendencies or their knack for bringing a sense of calm to a tense situation.

Let’s go back to “how are you doing?” being just that, and not a veiled version of “how’s work?”

It’s the people in our lives, and not the work they do, that make us go out and spend unnecessary amounts of money on half-price sushi and cocktails. There are simply far more people in the world than there are jobs, and I feel as though we have lost sight of that, in our endless pursuit of ultimate success.

Without the people we share our lives with, the successes we achieve in wealth are empty. Let’s go back to paying equal attention to both.