NOT MARRIED, ALMOST 30 AND… STILL BREATHING

Up until about five years ago, news that someone I went to school with (or that someone my age) was tying the knot was reason for gossip – and not always in a complimentary fashion.

“They’re way too young and they don’t know what they’re doing,” I would say. “It must be because of the child,” someone else would say.

Basically, getting married at 22 or thereabouts was frowned upon.

And then, the tide began to turn, or put more bluntly, we all started getting older. Now, news of marriage is the norm – when we hear it, we generally approve of it, believe in it… and then turn around and look up to the heavens in despair, asking why on earth it isn’t us? That last reaction is the subject of this little write-up.

I needed to remind myself – and fellow single beings on the wrong side of 25 – why we need not break out into a cold sweat / hot flushes combination when yet another engagement is shoved down the throats of our newsfeeds.

But do you know what? Despair, or at least a tinge of the stuff, is all I feel sometimes. It’s no secret that ticking off life’s milestones is better done with someone by your side.

Yes, emotional and financial independence is all good and well and you can essentially do whatever you want to do by yourself, but would you rather visit the Eiffel Tower alone or do nothing but eat peanut butter on toast with the person you love for an entire Sunday afternoon? The latter puts up a darn good fight.

In my own experience, and even more so from what I’ve observed in other couples, life’s seemingly mundane moments are some of the very best when there’s someone to share it all with.

So… all of this is not quite feeling like progress. It’s not feeling very positive. And I wanted to write something inspiring for fellow members of the singles / over 25s club so that we may feel a bit better about ourselves. Let’s try removing emotions and looking at a few raw facts:

YOU HAVEN’T SETTLED

Life is too short to spend it alone. But even worse is sharing it with someone that isn’t the right fit for you. I’ve met a few cynics who firmly believe that fairy tale relationships are just that – fairy tales. They believe it’s necessary to severely compromise certain aspects of the relationship for the benefit of being in the relationship.

I beg to differ, and it’s not because of the embellished storylines in Sandra Bullock rom-coms; it’s because I am surrounded by countless examples of couples that just work. They may bicker or even send each other’s blood pressure soaring, but the fundamentals of the relationship are intact. By not settling, you’re leaving treasured space in your life for someone that will actually enrich it.

YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN PATH, REMEMBER?

It’s strange that we can explain away so many of our other ‘failures’ and setbacks in life with the explanation that ‘we’re on our own path’. We rationally remind ourselves that we should never compare our career trajectories or other personal successes to those of anyone else. Why then, does the same not hold true for relationships and marriage? Not being in a relationship is so often seen as reason for grave concern. For someone that doesn’t like staying out late, I’ve sure thrown more pity parties for myself than I can remember (and attendance is always excellent).

The point is, as with everything in life, all things have their time. And I’ve always told myself that the person I meet will make me forget I was ever waiting.

YOU’RE BEAUTIFUUUUUL, AND YOUR MIND IS F*CKING BEAUTIFUUUUUL

I think that says it all.

Something else I wanted to mention is that it would be a travesty to get so caught up in our single status that we can’t fully celebrate the unions of those around us – one day, it will be our turn and we’d want all the support in the world, too.

Yes, it’s okay to occasionally sink into a black hole and not come up for air (or a red polka dot hole; it really just depends on the colour and design of your duvet cover), but don’t do it too often.

Don’t be consumed with something that isn’t stopping you from moving forward.

Don’t obsess over someone that you probably haven’t even met yet – that sounds silly, but it’s precisely what we do.

You may not be as fresh-faced as you were at 19, but you’re still alive and capable and breathing, and until the day that someone takes your breath away, just… LIVE!