Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking

I recently read a deeply insightful book - which shares its name with the title of this blog post - and as you now already know, it explores the sometimes obvious and sometimes obscure differences between extroversion and introversion.

The book makes several eye-opening points about how the world we live in today values (and in many cases heaps unnecessary praise upon) the extrovert ideal. For those of us who prefer life not be be permanently lived in the fast lane, here are a few excerpts from a book that I found really insightful reading:

"Today we make room for a remarkably narrow range of personality styles. We're told that to be great is to be bold, to be happy is to be sociable. We see ourselves as a nation of extroverts - which means that we've lost sight of who we really are. Depending on which study you consult, one third to one half of Americans are introverts - in other words, one out of every two or three people you know. (given that the United States is among the most extrovert of nations, the number must be at least as high in other parts of the world.)

If you're not an introvert yourself, you are surely raising, managing, married to, or coupled with one. If these statistics surprise you, that's probably because so many people pretend to be extroverts. Closet introverts pass undetected on playgrounds, in high school locker rooms, and in the corridors of corporate America. Some fool even themselves, until some life event - a layoff, an empty nest, an inheritance that frees them to spend time as they like - jolts them into taking stick of their true natures. You have only to raise the subject of this book with your friends and acquaintances to find that the most unlikely people consider themselves introverts.

We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal - the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk-taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favours quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups. We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual - the kind who's comfortable "putting himself out there." Sure, we allow technologically gifted loners who launch companies in garages to have any personality they please, but they are exceptions, not the rule, and our tolerance extends mainly to those who get fabulously wealthy or hold the promise of doing so. 

Introversion - along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness and shyness - is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between disappointment and a pathology. 

The Extrovert Ideal has been documented in many studies, though this research has never been grouped under a single name. Talkative people, for example, are rated as smarter, better-looking, more interesting, and more desirable as friends. Velocity of speech counts as well as volume: we rank fast talkers as more competent and likable than slow ones. The same dynamics apply in groups, where research shows that the voluble are considered smarter that the reticent - even though there's zero correlation between the gift of gab and good ideas. 

Yet, as Quiet will explore, many of the most important institutions of contemporary life are designed for those who enjoy group projects and high levels of stimulation... As adults, many of us work for organizations that insist we work in teams, in offices without walls, for supervisors who value "people skills" above all. To advance our careers, we're expected to promote ourselves unabashedly.

If you're an introvert, you also know that the bias against quiet can cause deep psychic pain. As a child you might have overheard your parents apologize for your shyness... or at school you might have been prodded to "come out of your shell" - that noxious expression which fails to appreciate that some animals naturally carry shelter everywhere they go, and that some humans are just the same.

Now that you're an adult, you might still feel a pang of guilt when you decline a dinner invitation in favour of a good book. Or maybe you like to eat alone in restaurants and could do without the pitying looks from fellow diners. Or you're told that you're "in your head too much," a phrase that's often deployed against the quiet and cerebral. Of course, there's another word for such people: thinkers. I have seen firsthand how difficult it is for introverts to take stock of their own talents, and how powerful it is when finally they do.

Introverts feel "just right" with less stimulation, as when they sip wine with a close friend, solve a crossword puzzle, or read a book. Extroverts enjoy the extra bang that comes from activities like meeting new people, skiing slippery slopes, and cranking up the stereo.

Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pyjamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions."

These excerpts are from the book Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking, by Susan Cain

Energy

One day, when I’m three-quarters blind (I’m currently half-blind) and 65 years old, I will look back on my days of working on Hectic Nine-9 fondly. It’s a shame that only once we’re removed from a specific period or scenario in our lives, do we realize how fantastic some of those periods and scenarios actually were.

In-between looking for a place to live (outside of my parents’ abode), worrying about the price of petrol and getting so old in years that the mention of the word ‘club’ incites a feeling of penetrating nausea, comes a special moment or two that I am determined to bookmark in my memory bank.

Yesterday, I went on my second (of many more) shoots at Sahara Park, Newlands, to cover the Cape Cobras vs. Dolphins T20 cricket match. There is very little in that sentence that – under normal circumstances – wouldn’t usually put me to sleep, but as part of my new role as Online Content Producer for HN9, I am required to part with the free time I usually enjoy on weekends, forfeit those fabled naps and capture the best moments that events such as this cricket match has to offer.

The best (and worst) part of doing what I now do is that I am completely out of my element. As much as a desk-bound job saps at the staying power of my spinal cord, it also affords me the benefit of retreating into my own head, a place where I feel most comfortable. Walking around a noisy stadium, snapping pictures of crowds and not being able to listen to some Jimmy Nevis over a cup of black Rooibos tea is far from the norm for me. Far from the norm, until I shot this rather spontaneous video of JP and Lukho, two (awesome, talented, friendly) members of the hip hop group Purple Hearts…

We were outdoors, time was limited, a Hectic Nine-9 fan had to keep boisterous members of the Cape-coloured community out of shot and I had to maintain a steady hand with my newly-acquired iPhone. Sounds simple, perhaps. But when you’ve spent the last five years writing scripts in a corner of the office, such a scenario was as foreign and intimidating as polished, technologically-advanced Eva was to rusty, creaky little Wall-E.

But two minutes later, the seemingly simple video was done. It looked good. It had energy. And more importantly, I had energy.  I had belief that change – as daunting a prospect as it may be – is simply essential to your wellbeing. With the natural passing of time a phenomenon that we can reliably count upon, surely life itself should be transforming at a similar rate?

If it isn’t, it’s up to you to find that something – no matter how small, and even in the form of a 37” video clip – that will reignite that childhood energy you could once conjure up in an instant.

Find it.

5 CONVINCING REASONS TO CELEBRATE VALENTINE’S DAY

1. Flowers, chocolates and red wine… these are all strongly associated with Valentine’s Day. They are also strongly associated with universal acceptance. So, accept.

2. It’s 2013. Realistically, there is very little time for spending time with the special person in your life. If children’s play dates, yoga classes and a visit to home affairs are all important enough to be scheduled, then for heaven’s sake, why not a night out with your other half?

3. Showing the finger to the pessimistic opportunists. Pick a prominent day on the yearly calendar – any day really – and you’ll find a distinct group of people who use these events as opportunities to “not follow the crowd.”  (because “doing your own thing” and “not following the crowd” is like, so cool, dude). Valentine’s Day is “overhyped and a marketing ploy”, he said. “Who the hell plays Christmas music in shops in October?” she said. He and she need a pre-2000s, traditional Cape-coloured hiding.

4. Red and white. The colours of love. Wear them, eat them, buy a new car in them. You’ll look like an absolute prick, but you’ll have so much fun in the process.

5. Poetry. This art form is laborious, grammatically flawed and generally incomprehensible for 364 out of 365 days in a typical year. On February 14^th – inexplicably – it all makes sense.

IKasi Experience 'Rains' Supreme

It's hard to remember when last it rained - let alone poured - in Cape Town. But that was until yesterday, of course, when the heavens opened up and then didn't let up until late into the afternoon.

While it was a welcome relief for many of us after months of uncomfortably hot weather, the timing wasn't ideal because the latest IKasi Experience event was held this weekend at Khayelitsha's Lookout Hill (this unique venue - even though 40km from the Cape Town CBD - offers amazing views over Khayelitsha, the Cape Flats and Table Mountain in the distance. It's situated on the corner of Spine Road and Mew Way in the culturally vibrant township).

But the IKasi Experience is about more than the views beyond Lookout Hill, because within this venue you will find what is fast becoming a township-based market unlike any other. Vendors from Khayelitsha (and other townships in Cape Town), have long impressed with their unique, well-crafted products, made from materials that many of us nonchalantly toss into trash cans (or on the ground, for those of us without a decent upbringing).
But beyond selling these products on the streets or travelling impossible distances to more lucrative parts of the city to trade, their options are severely limited. Thankfully, with the foresight of IKasi Experience / Ikapa Live co-founders Loyiso Mdebuka and Vincent Manzini, these vendors now have an accessible platform to market and sell their goods in an environment deserving of their talent and passion.

Having heard only good things from others who had attended previous Ikasi Experience markets, I braved the rain to visit Lookout Hill with the Hectic Nine-9 insert team yesterday, and soon it became apparent that the weather wouldn't keep many others away either. Outside, there were rows of soaked and deserted benches and tables - inside, it was another story. Performers kept the crowds (young and old) thoroughly entertained, while vendors on either side of the main stage did their thing.

Some goods needed a close eye (and a friendly explanation from its maker) to explain what they were made from, because at a glance you could be looking at something straight out of a boutique store in a shopping mall. The prices are incredibly low and I found some colourful arm bands that suited my taste.

With the coverage and warm reception that this event has and continues to receive (an insert on the leading breakfast show Expresso over here, a feature in the Weekend Argus over there...), one can safely expect that other vendors will be inspired to get involved, further building upon the entrepreneurial spirit that Loyiso and Vincent have tried to instill in this community.

In-between chowing on a boerewors roll and a cappuccino from the Department Of Coffee stall, one can only admire the dedication of these vendors to create and sell products of such a high standard and from the most basic of resources. Of course, a great deal of praise must go to Loyiso and Vincent for (not only running around carrying wet umbrellas), but also giving the people of Khayelitsha a once-in-a-lifetime chance to succeed in the community they call home.

The future of the IKasi Experience looks bright, so do yourself a favour and make sure you attend the next one!

Visit iKasi Experience for more information